I sat down in the room with the kindly-looking stranger who was my new midwife.
"Have you got your notes with you?" she asked with a smile.
"Oh..." I stumbled, remembering that I'd forgotten, "...no, I totally forgot them, I'm terrible for that at the moment!" I said truthfully with a casual ai & my slightly nervous laugh.
"Oh, right..." she said in a serious tone that I didn't expect her to use from her initial warm demeanour "They must be in your handbag at all times, otherwise we would no nothing about you if something were to happen."
I instantly felt foolish. I'm forgetful at the best of times, never mind when I've a baby-brain. I wanted to cry.
"How have you been feeling?" she asked in a warmer tone.
I told her nervously that I had been okay, that this week had been a better week, but I was hesitantly honest with her. I felt a little foolish again as I told her that I just wasn't coping so well, but that I had spoken to the Doctor about it & arrangements were in place for me to see a member of the mental health team. I wondered how she would react, whether she would tell me it was probably my low iron levels as the last midwife suspected or whether she would take me more seriously. I told her, as I had told the Doctor the previous week, that I had always felt like this but now it was different, because it was ruling my life & the bad & sad feelings outweighed the good & stable feelings.
She reacted sympathetically & gently asked me questions about it. I didn't feel so foolish.
She then took my blood pressure, measured my bump & listened to the baby's heartbeat. Everything was completely fine - my bump measured about what it should at 33 weeks she informed me, even though I am nearly 35 weeks.
"...but that's okay because you're allowed about 2 weeks either way." she said with a smile & the initial kindliness I had experienced as I'd entered the room. "It probably means that the baby will be about 6lb or so."
PHEW. I was was relieved that she hadn't said it was too small, as they had said with Daughter & but even more so that she had said it would be a healthy but small baby. I felt much more relaxed now, after spilling the nervous crazy to her & knowing that the baby was happy in there but not about to cause me an awful lot of pain on its way into the world - hopefully anyway!
That was my morning. Everything is okay - & everything is going to be okay. Nothing profound to see here but certainly no bad news, unless you count my total memory loss.
Putting notes in handbag now.