My shiny, brand-spanking new website is currently being created - by me, so this could take anything from a few weeks to a few decades, given that my knowledge of website building is mainly based on "lets see what happens if I mash all these buttons with my palm" - so you probably shan't see much here for a little while. Do keep checking back & keep an eye out on Twitter for all the changes!
The new website will incorporate my current personal blog, the Pea Green Pantry food blog as well as some reviews & my personal art portfolio.
At the moment I find myself at a crossroads. Everything is changing & this really is the beginning of my adult life.
Yeah, I have two children so perhaps that sounds a little bit stupid but as far as my education & work goes I feel as though I haven't yet started on the road that I will feel most fullfilled walking along.
What is more, I have no clue which road to take.
I've never been one to stick to plans - something unexpected has always come along & diverts me along some path I never knew existed. These diversions have most notably come in the forms of my girls. As much as I love them, they didn't half fuck things up for me! Of course, in the best possible way as I have learned so much & grown so fast it's all most overwhelming, but now I need to implement all this knowledge & experience in another part of life.
How do you know what you choose to invest your time, energy & passion in is the right thing?
It seems to me that some people just know what they want to do with their lives & so they go ahead & do it, but me, I just can't figure it out.
I've thought about the things I love - art, music & writing. With art, I am a perfectionist & I become frustrated but that aside I would certainly like to expand my knowledge & create a portfolio & of course mix with like-minded people. Really though, in the long term, aside from being a professional artist what more can I do with this? Teaching, perhaps, but the long term prospects don't appeal.
Music - well, I play classical piano & I love a broad range of music but a career in music is not what I'd fancy persuing.
& Writing? Well, I've often considered writing for a living but how bloody difficult is that to do, & am I really that good at it? No, i don't think so. Perhaps I am being lazy (though I'm calling it realistic) but aside from the blog I'm not sure folks would like to read about what I have to say. I'm certainly not keen on journalism either.
What was in the original plan (before children) was to study linguistics (with particular attention to English). With a degree in linguistics I could be a speech therapist, speech coach or I could teach this. I find the English language & it's history compelling & I have always been deeply fascinated since I was a child even, loving to find out about the origin of sayings & words. Do I want to be a speech therapist? Maybe. But in truth I'm not sure. I'd like to help people, particularly children but my passion lies in the history of language. Would I really be satisfied?
Another way in which I'd like to help people is in mental health services. Since experiencing my own difficulties & encountering the local mental health services I was shocked at frankly how appauling it was. I would love to help people but I fear that the state of the current services would drive me to despair. I know I'd want to devote a lot of my time to changing it, should I have a greater understanding of it, but I am the kind of person who becomes resentful of people in power when I see what lack of funding & understanding does to the users of such services. I fear I'd become so angry I'd be unable to work in such a service.
Another thing I always wanted to do was to work in radio, behind the scenes. Don't ask me why or what, for that matter, but I get the feeling I'd enjoy that kind of workplace. Foot in the door anyone?
Reading this back, it sounds a lot like I am making excuses. Perhaps I am. In truth, I'm scared & I'm confused. I have no clue what to do with my life & if I leave it much longer I am terrified that I will never do anything. I'm also terrified that if I rush this decision I will make the wrong one.
What do I do? Does anyone have any advice to offer me?
Are you choosing a career? Have you been in a career that you love or one that you hate? What would you do differently?
Artist? Speech Therapist? Support Worker? Writer? All of the above?
So I havent blogged in quite some time, as you can see.
It's because I'm the type of person whose interests revolve I guess. I'm creative but the things I feel I need to create change. I'm fickle, I suppose - in so much as that I have more than one outlet & I can only channel my energy into one thing at a time. I am not yet organised enough to do them al at once, though I so wish I were!
Anyway, I just wanted to say that I'll definitely be back blogqing when the zeal takes me, but I'm not going to force myself - my blogposts I'm sure are difficult enough to get through without being tedious & forced!
In the mean time, why not go & have a look at some past posts?
& check out one of the things I'm doing in the mean time - original watercolour & she is for sale too, just email me for details if you are interested!
I went out last night & not only do I not have a headache but I think I may still be slightly drunk! Hurrah!
The bad news is that I got so drunk that I inadvertantly chucked my purse, containing my iPhone down the loo - AFTER I'd gone - & not only has my phone now gone bloody bonkers but my purse isn't really in a usable state. Unless the grunge thing is coming back in any time soon. Toilet stench anyone? No? Just me?
I made a bit of an impulse purchase yesterday.
Yes, beautiful & a bargain at £19.99 from TK Maxx (my spiritual home).
So I was certainly feeling ready for a night of good music & crap dancing. All except it was very, er, challenging just getting DOWN THE HILL to the bar. Clearly I hadn't quite thought everything through enough.
By some miracle (because God saves his miracles for drunk girls in stupid shoes, clearly) I did not fall over all evening, which was pretty much a win all round.
As an extra added bonus I got IDed going into the first bar, which always makes for a flattering start to a night (unless you don't have your ID with you, then you're cursing the bastard who asked) & later when some bloke tried to chat me up & had me pegged at 21. I'll take that.
I told him I was married & had two kids.
Little bit awkward.
Not least because I'm not actually married & so while cursing my stupid lie of an answer spent the rest of the conversation covering up my left hand.
So, apart from the iPhone incident (nothing short of an actual disaster) it was a fairly good night & I didn't even start crying like I often have recently when I'm pissed.
Now, dear readers, I'm off back to bed. If I never return because of iPhone cold turkey - tell people I died drunk & happy.
Whilst going through all the pictures on my hard drive (and get royally distracted instead of organising things as I should have been) I was staggered as to how much Baby Girl looks like her big sister used to look as a baby. My eldest has big dimples whereas littlest has big chubby cheeks & they have different noses so in life they don't often look very alike - but there are glimpses. On looking back through these photos the resemblance just leapt out of the page. I think it's mainly in those big owly eyes - but judge for yourself..
I can't quite believe my eyes with these two - Eldest as a baby on the left. If I hadn't have known better I'd have said they were both pics of Baby Girl!
Next up - Eldest as a baby left again & then the two of them together. So cute! Eldest still looks like herself here though too.
Then we have Eldest left & Baby Girl right, maybe not in the eyes in these!