Monday, 30 April 2012

May Blossom

This morning has been a stressful one, but - what I am about to say is excruciatingly British, a thousand apologies - the sun has been out & I've been so grateful for a break from the misery of the rain!

Not only is it sunny, but the blossom is blooming & evoking childhood memories of May, & simultaneously creating memories in my daughter's childhood.

She also made a friend! 
"Oh Mummy, I wish  I could have a cat..."

Saturday, 28 April 2012

O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love, What a beautiful Pussy you are!

I am searching for something.

You could say I am searching for someone.

I am searching for a companion.

I want a bloody cat.

I so want a kitty.

Won't someone bring me a pretty kitty?

Speaking of pussies...

I was innocently checking my stats earlier today & I looked over the search keywords. Well. I didn't think my blog to be all that filthy or basically downright rude but people who have been led here by the power of the search engine may beg to differ, though I can imagine they'd probably be rather bloody disappointed.

Amongst others, here are my top 4:

  • "am wearing two bras"
  • naked pea
  • naked bedmates
  • chanes mum.s pussy
Okay, I can understand the first three, from past posts (though why the hell anyone would be searching for these phrases I haven't the foggiest!) but the fourth?! WHAT!? The bad grammar is baffling in itself but what on earth it has to do with my blog I'll never know! Certain to say that they would have been severely disappointed on reaching the twattering on of some mental woman & not a pussy in sight!

Chin up!

Groovy Mums,

As you all know, I try to take part in the Groovy Mums blog hop over at Kate On Thin Ice's place.
As you all know also, I'm a bit rubbish at all this 'organisational skills' stuff (ahem, lazy, ahem) but from time to time I find the will to live, love & blog & give it a stab!

Kate sets us challenges, which are optional. Here are this weeks & how I've got on:

1. Body – What new ways can you find to take exercise?  Check out what is offered at your local leisure centres and community venues.  Is there something you could do at home to increase your fitness?

Running hasn't been going so well. You probably know by now that I'm running the Great North Run this year for Mind. I'm doing this because I suffer from mental health issues & Mind are a charity doing a lot of good for people in similar situations & their loved ones too. Please take a look at my page & if you like what you see then please sponsor me, just a pound is more than fine!
I love swimming & I go when I can, but with the girls to look after all the time it can be a bit tricky even working out time to go for a run, never mind to bob down to the pool & do all that wet-swimwear-stuck-to-bits-it-shouldn't-be-stuck-to palava!

2. Mind – It is Depression Awareness Week.  Have you experienced depression?  Do you know how to spot the signs of depression in your loved ones and others?  Check out for information and support with mental health issues.  They are also asking for your stories.

If you think that you or a loved one are suffering then you should follow the link for Mind, above, & also check out the Black Dog Tribe (link also above). They're a bit bloody good, & offer support for all. Also, Ruby Wax heads it, so it's got to be good! If I have the time & energy then perhaps I will go & submit my story to them.

3. Blogging – Did you know publish round-ups of good posts on certain issues such a food, politics, special needs, green issues, health and more?  Why not promote your posts to the editors of these round-ups and raise your profile?

No Kate, I did not know that! I should probably get on it!

4. Special Days – This week saw us marking St George’s Day.  Is there a dragon that you need to tackle in your life?

Dragons, Ogres, Trolls & the bloody oven needs cleaning too.

5. Charity Connections- Get shopping online and hundreds of retailers will give a percentage of what you spend to a charity of your choice.  Click here  and register for free for Give As You Live with your name and email address.  Do it today!  You don’t have to spend any money now but it means when you do shop online you can ensure some of the money goes to a good cause.  Why wouldn’t you?  When you click, you will see poppies because I am personally raising money for the Royal British Legion but you can register here and then when you shop, you can select a charity of your choice.

Done! Do it too. Do it...

6. The Big Question – What has the last year brought you? Are you happy with it?

Holy crap, that's a very big question.

This last year has brought me, in no particular order:
  • A Baby (surprise!)...
  • & with that a very joyous day.
  • A new home, & it's not all bad.
  • Extreme exaserbation of a mental health problem.
  • Dark days, the likes of which I've never experienced before.
  • Good days, which are so much more appreciated thanks to all of the above.
  • Huge change & upheaval, some good, some not so good.
  • A lot of new blogger friends  & a few 'real life' ones too.
  • Confirmation that I am fairly good at some things I enjoy, such as writing.
  • A new health mission & goal to run a half marathon.
  • 57 bibs.
  • Better skin.
  • Terrible hair.
  • A penchant for pedicures & facials (which I cannot afford, for sure)
Am I happy with it?

I have learned, this year, that happiness is not a destination, it is not something you should strive to arrive at. I'm not just going to suddenly wake up & realise that I'm happy & sadness will never touch me again. That would be dull. But I've realised that despite all the awful feeling that I've experienced this past year, happiness is something that will always come back around & hopefully one day in the not so distant future I'll find a nice balance & be able to get on with it all, just taking the good with the bad & taming those beasts depression & anxienty.

I'll tell you what this year hasn't brought me though...


But, fear not world, for it is not too late...

Why not just have a little look-see...

I'm a size seven, by the way.

Friday, 27 April 2012

Just a Minute, How Old Are You?

Some of my more vivid recollections from childhood seem to involve sitting in the passenger seats of cars, specifically cars belonging to my Mum, Grandpa & Dad. & what do you do in the car on long journeys when you're a small child?

Well, you listen to Radio 4 of course.

This is a habit I have never wanted to break.

As I am only 23 (desperately clinging on to that, though I probably don't look or sound it anymore!), most of my peers are still in the Radio 1 stage. Some of them have reached Radio 2. Some of those other crazy bastards are all out there with their Capital & Galaxy (I think they may be the same thing) & all that wank & tits, but me, despite how I may sound (as far as I can tell, typical R4 listeners don't often say 'wank' or 'tits' & certainly not in the same sentence) & though I went through this progression from teen R1 years, I seemed to progress (or regress) rather quickly back to good old R4.

My other half writes a blog called Comfort In Sound, which is the name of an album by Feeder, his favourite band, & he often blogs about music there. For me, however, comfort in sound is listening to the cheer of the audience followed by the energetic tones of Nicholas Parsons on Just a Minute & when the theme song for the Archers plays I can't help but grin. I rarely watch TV (I didn't have one when I lived alone & would have it that way again if I could) & though I have the Radio on Absolute or XFM from time to time - & pretend my taste is eclectic & not just weird - it will always come back to the comfort of R4.

My love for it seems to have grown as I have had the children & I feel it keeps my brain in ticking over amongst the babble & repetitive screeching & whinging of children.

God bless you R4. Sorry for bringing the tone down with the 'wank' & 'tits' though.

PS: On a more serious note - you should really check out The Listening Project. Interesting, true & often very moving.
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Thursday, 26 April 2012

Where Has The Time Gone & Where Are We Going With This?

The girls are growing up so fast.

I started this blog as a record of our family life, but I've come to realise that really, I just prattle on about all my problems here & they rarely get a look in.

For this, I feel guilty. Look, I'm even doing it now!

So I find myself wondering, just what am I going to do about it?

What I'd like to do about it, ultimately, is to set up two different blogs, both self hosted but one will be a continuation of all the pissing & moaning I've been doing here plus a few other exciting bits & bobs, like recipes & maybe even getting Pea Green Pantry's Food as Therapy bloghop back on the go & the other will be carved out in a little secret corner of blogness & will be devoted to my beautiful, beautiful girls & their progress. For them to read & browse photos when they get a little older & to see exactly how much we cherished them, without any swearing.

I'm not really a 'Mummy' blogger, because I'm not just a Mum, I'm a woman first & foremost, but those girls are far too precious to me not to have a space made especially for them.

I do love them so.

Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Hibernation Schniberschnation...

So I thought it might be time to go into hibernation while I plot to take over the world with a new, fancy-pants self-hosted blog. Then I realised that there were things I wanted to blog about in the meantime & coudln't quite bring myself not to do the writing.

As soon as I made the decision to lay low I was asked to do a guest post on post-natal depression by the lovely Shona at Wriggly Rascals & of course I accepted & then I got nominated for the MAD Blogs Blog of the Year. Of course, there is not much chance of me making the shortlist but it was a big surprise to see my blog address on that list as I was noseying my way through it! It was nice to have a surge of adrenaline that brought a smile to me face for once!

I have to say, both these occurences have really perked me up & though I don't believe in any of this 'it was a sign' wanky wank, it really did make me think.

I bloody love blogging & here in just the first year of my blogging life, as it were, I've made new accquantances, online friends & even met some bloggers in real life. My laptop has opened the door to Web-Narnia & frankly, I don't know where I'd be without Twitter & all the blogging spectaculars!

So cheers, whoever nominated me (yep, you, that one lone weird person in the corner) & cheers to all you bloggerifics (whatever that means).

You really have helped me through all this crap. You're a bit bloody good, you lot.

Sunday, 22 April 2012

Gingerly, gingerly...

After an amazing & long day yesterday at BlogCampUK & the opportunity to take in some great advice & learn so many things about bloggin which I was utterly blind to I've been given a lot to think about.

As the result of about 17 coffees after 4hrs sleep & 7+ hours of travel I finally cracked at 1am when I couldn't sleep & had one of my more spectacular meltdowns (even if I do say so myself).

Giant, scary social & strange situations these days seem to take me back to childhood days of social awkwardness (even though I hear thats, like, soooo in at the moment). I hate myself for being this crazy nervous idiot but I just don't know what the frigg to do about it. After much crying & woe I decided it might be time to go into hibernation. I'm not one for half-arsed anything but that's what I've been doing - half-arsed blogging. I don't want my blog to have half an arse - I don't want it to be some kind of dropout loser of a blog & so it is having a think about what it really wants to do with it's life & getting a new wardrobe in the meantime. Not unlike me, I suppose.


Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Run, Chloe, Run!

Well, I haven't blogged in quite some time. I'm not sure why & I haven't the energy to think about it too hard. I'm guessing it was just one of those dips in the grand scheme of blogging. I'm sure you will all have survived the drought but, don't worry, I'm back to quench you. Get you wet, if you will.

What do you mean you won't?

Anyway, all my magnetism aside, I'm just here to tell you that yes, I am still running. But no, of course it's not going to sodding plan. Have you read my blog? Laziness prevails.

After some problems which I assure you you do not want to hear about, I got back into running last week. I was starting steadily, just doing a mile or so every other day (& was frigging knackered!) & then taking this up to 2 miles. Then, a bloody insane lovely friend decided we sould go for a run together. We did & ended up running 4.75 miles. I felt amazing & horrendous all at once, but I'm going to continue my roll by doing 4 miles this evening. It's daft, because before I was pregnant I could run a good 5-6 miles & really love it, without feeling as though I was going to die. Alas, those days are gone & so hard work is all I can do. So I'm buggered really. This is me we're talking about.

I'll let you know how my run goes & whether Mind will actually be getting all that sponsor money or not. Something tells me I'll be crawling over that damn finishing line in September, but miracles can happen!

In the mean time I would be massively grateful if you would chuck a quid my way for sponsorship. Please don't think 'Oh, well what difference does a pound make?' because i can tell you it makes an enormous amount of difference to me! & please don't think 'I'll do it later.' becuase if you are anything like me, you probably will forget. You're a busy, popular person, you're in demand! I know you are, so take a minute & follow the link below, & donate a quid or so!

You're bloody lovely, you are!  

Saturday, 14 April 2012

How Bad Do We Really Have It?

I'm listening to a radio programme about women in Uzbekistan who are sterilised against their will & often without knowing, or lied to about why they should be sterilised.

All because the government decide so, as a 'solution' to control the growing population.

They are often made to have c-sections in order that they are limited to the number of children they can have in future, in order that the doctors, who are given a weekly quota of women they must sterilise, can remove a woman's uterus or tie her tubes. Women & families live in fear & often in pain.

It makes me realise just how good we have it, despite whatever we go through, it puts a lot in perspective.

Just imagine what these women go through, & then look at what we have.


Wednesday, 11 April 2012

Money, Power & Love.

They say that money is power, but is this true in our relationships?

I don't work. I stay home & look after the children. My other half goes to work 5 days a week & he too pays the rent & bills most months. He offers us security & in turn I [very occasionally] do a bit of dusting & cook nightly. Oh, & raise the children. I do contribute where I can but on the whole I feel powerless. I really do. I'm rarely sane.

We are in a loving relationship, we are happy, so why does the financial security that my partner provides for us cause me such emotional insecurity?

Is this my personal issue, or do lots of stay at home parents feel this way? He gives up the money he would usually spend on DVDs or whatever else it is 20 something men buy, as well as some of his social freedom. He's given up relaxing evenings for hectic bedtimes. I was all ready used to hectic bedtimes & no money to spare for myself, but I have given up my independence, the freedom to think only of myself & my children &, thinking about it, have changed my entire life. I don't get to interact with adults every day. My brain turns to mush. I think that we both give a lot, but I feel as though I have lost a lot more. Control & sanity being the two main casualties.

Can I change this?

If I have a job, & so money, will this be power?

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

Things I haven't done today

Things I have not done today:

  • Worn underwear
  • Got dressed
  • Brushed my hair
  • Showered
  • Changed my top once I spilled coffee down it
  • Been outside (thank christ, that'd have been embarassing considering all of the above) except to get the washing in as rain threatened to re-soak it (hope the neighbours didn't see)
  • Had an intelligent/coherent thought
  • Folded the laundry which happens to be in a pile the size of a small hill (you think I'm exaggerating...)
  • Talked to anyone except my OH, briefly, a small child & a baby
  • Solved world hunger
  • Solved my own child's disproportionate hunger for biscuits (though not for lack of either of us trying)
  • Solved the mystery of how, despite strict rules, Jim the baby (dolly) always ends up face down on the living room floor - frightening me half to death thinking he is the actual baby - when he should be tucked up in bed with Eldest, his keeper & bestower of strange name.

It's been a shocker today peeps. Tomorrow, I have biscuits to bake. Smelly/insane people should probably not bake biscuits, so let's hope it's a better one.

Kitchen Vim & Vigour: A Lack Of.

Dear Amazing Bloggers & Readers,

I need your help.

I have a lovely foody blog which is still a bit of a newborn - beautiful, if a little bit wrinkly, but rather underdeveloped - but I just can't seem to get back into the swing of things & I'm struggling to nurture it. There's been a lot on but now I'm devoid of all enthusiasm & vigour. I'm supposed to be chronicling my adventures in the kitchen but to tell you the whole truth, I've been eating crappily & with no zeal. The kitchen is also literally falling apart. We rent & so there's not much we can do about it. It makes me sad. When will my energy return?

Has anyone any tips?

Would anyone just like to feed me & be done with it?

Would anyone buy me a house with a beautiful kitchen?

Or just a beautiful kitchen?

Or just a load of money?



Sad, Desperate & Poor Non-Cook.

Sunday, 1 April 2012

Adventures in Peas & Meatballs

The children are tucked up but the sun is yet to set. I find myself in limbo - waiting for darkness in order to feel cosy & have my desire to curl up & do nothing justified. I've cooked a rather unimaginative but satisfying dinner - meatballs, plain & peas. Nothing else whatsoever - & as I sit down to eat, on the sofa, one leg tucked beneath my bottom, a mug of hot chocolate sits on a side table, conspicuously out of reach & waiting patiently for me to finish my meal. Hallo, H.C. I see you. Tasty.

I take look down at my meal, by now I'm half way through & enjoying it's simplicity adequately. I look down at the rather large meatball, & pause before biting half of it away. I am left with half a meatball staring at me with a strangely large green stem poking out of it. I contemplate for a while what this stalk could be. I'm sure it's meant to be there, but I briefly acknowledge that it may be rogue. I think about going to fish the packet from the bin to peruse the ingredients, but where's the fun in that?

I delicately remove the stem from its captor & attempt to taste it. If it's rogue, it could possibly kill me, or at east taste a bit naff. I'm living life on the edge. Hmm. What is it? Mint? In a beef meatball? No. Basil? Can't tell. After a tense moment it is gone. Flavourless. I will never know of it's origins, purposes or journey to the meatball. Ah, the mysteries of life.

I finish my meal. Goodbye peas.

I walk slowly toward the mug of warm chocolate drink. I sit, laptop atop lap & mug in hand. The D key is sticky. It's probably food of some sort, but I cannot recall what it would be. I think back to my adventurousness while dining & with a devilish flick of my left index finger I scratch the unknown sticky stuff & taste it. Flavourless. Hmm.

The risks I take. Today I have been truly bold & daring. Bow down as you will, cowards.

I haven't blogged in a while...

Just sat down to eat an orange & write a blogpost & the baby girl has awoken.

I swear she knows just when my arse touches the sofa.

This is the story of my life!