Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Grooving Mums

So, I have a had a very up & down week this week. As I've mentioned, it really scares me just how up & down I can be. Some mornings I can wake up numb & end up having a wonderful day, other days I could wake up with a positive outlook only to bomb out spectacularly in a wave of tears or anxiety.

I need to get this under control.

I've never really been a stable person anyway, but I have always managed to muddle by one way or another.

Today & yesterday have been unexpectedly good days. I feel cured. I can barely remember why on earth I have felt so miserable recently & find myself wondering what all the fuss was about. There is nothing wrong with me. Unfortunately, I know that this isn't true & I know from recent experience that this feeling probably won't last forever (but I would not complain if it should) & so I have to make the most of this mindset while it lasts.

I am currently on the brink of changing things. After seeing my GP a few weeks ago I have had an initial appointment with a member of my local Community MH Team. I had very mixed feelings about the appointment. She asked me lots of standard questions as we went through a questionnaire & while I initially felt it was comprehensive & positive I soon began to stumble over my replies & didn't feel that I adequately expressed myself to her & by the end of the session I felt as though I had not given her a realistic view of myself. I write it better than I say it. Always have, probably always will. In the hours & days that followed I kept remembering things I had missed out or realising I had said things that could easily have been misconstrued.

She had said that she would go away & write up a report which she would share with some sort of team (by this time I wasn't really taking much in - my concentration is shot at the best of times) but she did say that she would arrange for me to see a consultant as she felt that I wasn't entirely convinced on her initial verdict of low moods caused by anxiety. She was right, I feel that the anxiety is only present occassionally due to my actions or inactions brought on by low mood. I feel crap first & then I do nothing & worry about having done nothing.

Anyway, the point of me telling you all this is my discovery of a blog-hop called Grooving Mums via the wonderful platform that is Twitter (I am now addicted & spend far too much time tweeting crap).

Basically, this is a group of blogging mums who feel they would like to change something about themselves, big or small & their accounts of how they are doing this. Kate [on Thin Ice] explains it all here.

So, over the next few days I am going to think of five attainable goals for myself (I have accepted - sort of - that I am not, nor am I ever going to be a Super-Mum) & try to keep weekly updates for you all to read how I am doing.

I'm terrified of bombing out on this - I have a history of being useless - but I have all ready heard from some lovely, lovely Grooving Mums which has been inspiring & heartwarming.

Here's to getting my groove back.


  1. Sweetheart, you are wonderful already because you are a creative, you share what you can feelings wise and can write, you are doing your bestest which is all any of us can do, you recognise that not all "authorities" have the right answers for individuals and you are definitely a very welcome newbie member of our #groovingmums club. People who push themselves tend to be down on themselves. Others see just how wonderful they are and that means you and hey, I saw your profile pic on Twitter so I know you are a beauty on the outside as well as on the inside. Stick with us, we are all bonkers but in a good way.

  2. Possibly the loveliest comment I've ever got! Thank you - I am blushing!

  3. Please don't say youre useless, I know how hard it is to feel under valued but that is other peoples problem not yours. Look speared to seeing how you get your groove back....I must say I'm rather enjoying it

  4. I always write things better than I say them too. You are not useless. I think part of my problem is I compare myself to other mums. I compared my son a lot when he was little...why was he so cranky & the other babies weren't? I'm hoping to learn to just be me, & learn to love me again. Welcome to #groovingmums. Looking forward to hearing your updates.

  5. Hey - my 2 cents. I had really bad anxiety attacks during my 1st pregnancy and on the excellent advice of my doctor I saw a therapist and went on some meds and dealt with those mofo's before my baby was born - I'm so glad I did. My doc's concern was that going into newborndom with unresolved anxiety was laying myself open to PND etc.
    Of course this is your second so the good news is you simply won't have time for thoughts (any thoughts) after the birth so actually you needn't worry :)
    But seriously, do what you can to resolve stuff now. Often when you're pregnant it's really simple hormonal-related issues which you can sort out quite fast.
    I wrote a bit about this on my blog - the other one - search anxiety if you want to know more.
    Good luck!

  6. Hey. Just wanted to say hello *waves*. One thing I've realised over the past few weeks is that getting your groove on takes time. Keep with it. Looking forward to reading your posts each week.


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