Sunday, 11 March 2012

Empowerment & Getting Naked: Bedmates?

What is it that I don't like about strip clubs?

Last night my partner went on a stag do. Of course, they went to the strippers. I knew this would happen, I laid down my rules & he had permission, yet why, now do I have this awful uneasy feeling eating away at me?

What is it? 

Why are there no male strip clubs? Why don't women feel that they need to seek out this form of 'entertainment' to such an extent as men do? When I think of all the sorts of riske entertainment for women, all that pops into my head is stuff like the Chippendales & male strippers on hen dos with lots of drunk women shrieking & giggling like school-girls, taking it as a great laugh & a hoot & not thinking much more of it, but when the roles are reversed, when it's blokes going to so called 'Gentlemen's clubs' & so on I think of ego & chauvinism. Men don't hoot & giggle, men leer & lick their lips...Don't they?

This is the image I have engrained in my mind but I'm not sure it's entirely like that. I would like to find out & you know what, I think one day soon I may do that. I would like to see if their is any truth behind the notion that these girls find stripping empowering, or do they only find this empowering because society has taught them that?

But back to my question - is it this that bothers me? Men & women are very different creatures indeed, that is for sure. I'd say that I'm quite a sexual person, more so than quite a lot of my friends, at least. I can be excruciatingly shy in a room full of people, but between the sheets (or wherever else) I have usually found I'm fairly confident once I get into my stride, as it were. Anyway, no more detail or else you all who don't wish to know will start bleeding from the eyes. My point is that I have always felt secure because I have always felt I have most control & confidence over the sexual aspect of a relationship. I am by no means beautiful or sexy in the conventional top-shelf magazine sense, yet never has this held me back. I think the reason that I feel least secure about my man striding into a strip club & getting an eyeful of a room full of magazine-beautiful & -sexy women in all their glory is because by choosing to walk right in there he is not only accepting society's warped view of what 'a woman should be' (whether he realises it or not) but wolfing it down like the very different creature that he is. Simultaneously, he is removing an enormous chunk of the control I hold & allowing me to fall back into the clutches of my insecurities. 

But what about me? Why should there be no other aspect of life in which I can feel empowered? Now I'm certainly not suggesting that a woman should not have empowerment through sex - hell, sex is more than enjoyable & should be for both parties - but what I am saying is that of course that shouldn't be my sole source of satisfaction, & because - at the moment - I am so insecure about magazine-perfect women taking the control from me then I have done exactly the same as my partner & accepted society's view of 'what a woman should be'. If it is true that strippers only do their job because they are accepting our society's harsh terms, rather than questioning them (I said if, remember, I am yet to find this out first hand) then am I not just a stripper with a more specific & non-paying audience? Hell, if I'm going to feel these insecurities, I'd at least like to get a bit of cash for my troubles.

It's a vicious fucking circle (not a vicious fucking-circle, that's an entirely different blog post).

I don't know what to do or think. I'm working mostly on assumptions, deductions & what I've seen in the media. Anxiety doesn't help matters either. Can anyone enlighten me here?
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  1. I won't be of much use. Why men do things that hurt their so called loved one I do not know. Is it worth a loved one being so hurt and destroyed just for a cheap thrill and if it is, what sort of love is it? Talking generally and you know your own relationship best. None of these condundrums are easy to fathom.

  2. Well, like I say on the next post, he's not the type to go in alone or with any kind of intent & get a dance or whatever. Or at least so I believe! & he was there as part of a stag do. It still doesn't sit well with me but I've told him next time that I just don't want to know. I won't as & I don't want him to tell. I trust him, & he knows my views on that type of stuff & I trust him to make the right judgement, even when drunk, but the thought of it isn't worth bringing up, too many insecurities for me.

  3. I am so with you. It feels silly to get that feeling that wonders. "Hmmm...if anything happened, would he tell me?" because, as you say, you trust them. It's all very bizarre, but the girls do it because they get paid and feel good. The boys do it because it is the widely accepted thing to do at stag do's, and as far as I know, nothing more! I would like to try one one-day aswell - let me know when you wanna and I am there xxxx

    1. Thanks pooh. I think we should do it, in the name of research. I wonder what it'd be like? I have an idea in my head but I bet it'll be surprising! It'd be interesting to see, rather than go on assumptions I think. :) thank you for being here! x

  4. Interesting post. I wouldn't really like the idea of my OH going to strip club either, I am the opposite of you and find it a bit difficult to be confident in bed which is why I would be concerned with him looking at them and being turned on by how sexual they are. At the end of the day though most of the women in those places are pretty messed up, to think that all you are worth is to have men leer at you all day must be awful. I think most of them have pretty low self-esteem really and have to do that to make themselves feel better, or am I just generalising?! Hmmm who knows but I think men just like them as a fantasy which is quite sad I think! Thanks for linking up to Love All Blogs x


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