How Bad Do We Really Have It?

I'm listening to a radio programme about women in Uzbekistan who are sterilised against their will & often without knowing, or lied to about why they should be sterilised.

All because the government decide so, as a 'solution' to control the growing population.

They are often made to have c-sections in order that they are limited to the number of children they can have in future, in order that the doctors, who are given a weekly quota of women they must sterilise, can remove a woman's uterus or tie her tubes. Women & families live in fear & often in pain.

It makes me realise just how good we have it, despite whatever we go through, it puts a lot in perspective.

Just imagine what these women go through, & then look at what we have.

 

Trapped in a box with two kids & my own sanity

For the past three months or so, I have spent almost 24 hours of every day with someone - be that with my children, partner, friends. When I think about this it scares me. A lot.

I am the kind of person who loves to be solitary. Don't get me wrong, there are a few nights a week where my partner works late & when the kids are in bed I am technically left to my own devices, however I have no choice but to stay in the house & it frustrates me that I can't even pop to the shops or go for a run. I often feel very trapped & therefore it is increasingly difficult for me to appreciate these evenings.

I envy my partner who has his car journeys to work & his freedom throughout the day. I envy him to the point that I almost resent him & this scares me.

My latest pregnancy was a shock to us to say the least. I was happy in my job & with my life in general when I found out. I did know that I would have to find a new job anyway, regardless of the pregnancy but because I was pregnant this swayed my decision to take something part time rather than the full time hours I'd previously enjoyed. We also had to move in together & this meant that I went from being fully independent to almost fully dependent on him.

I feel so angry that, though I love my children & appreciate the time I get to spend with them I am now left with no independence, money or sanity & that I have no choice but to be a full time mum. It isn't my partner's fault but it isn't my fault. Society & it's expectations of women plays a small part though generally this situation was unavoidable, so why do I still feel so angry & resentful about the whole deal?

All I wish for is a little more flexibility & freedom. My partner works long hours & we don't have any family close by. I constantly feel as though I am trapped & am going out of my mind. I often feel as though the only way out is to not be here any more - my logic being if I can't appreciate my role in life as a mother fully then what good am I to them? - but this shouldn't be the case. I see a Care Coordinator who helps me with the 'mental' side of my problems, & occasionally go to baby groups (which help so far as they get me out of the house but do not offer me any real sanity of freedom), but is there any real practical support for women like me? Is there no recognition of the needs of working families, particularly so far as support for fathers who may wish or need to help out at home? If not, why not? I'm sure that I am not alone in thinking that if fathers were allowed to support their partners more, should they need to, then a lot of women's sanity & well-being could be saved, a lot of time could be saved by health professionals & even relationships could be saved.

What the hell can I do?