How Bad Do We Really Have It?

I'm listening to a radio programme about women in Uzbekistan who are sterilised against their will & often without knowing, or lied to about why they should be sterilised.

All because the government decide so, as a 'solution' to control the growing population.

They are often made to have c-sections in order that they are limited to the number of children they can have in future, in order that the doctors, who are given a weekly quota of women they must sterilise, can remove a woman's uterus or tie her tubes. Women & families live in fear & often in pain.

It makes me realise just how good we have it, despite whatever we go through, it puts a lot in perspective.

Just imagine what these women go through, & then look at what we have.

 

Empowerment & Getting Naked: Bedmates?

What is it that I don't like about strip clubs?

Last night my partner went on a stag do. Of course, they went to the strippers. I knew this would happen, I laid down my rules & he had permission, yet why, now do I have this awful uneasy feeling eating away at me?

What is it? 

Why are there no male strip clubs? Why don't women feel that they need to seek out this form of 'entertainment' to such an extent as men do? When I think of all the sorts of riske entertainment for women, all that pops into my head is stuff like the Chippendales & male strippers on hen dos with lots of drunk women shrieking & giggling like school-girls, taking it as a great laugh & a hoot & not thinking much more of it, but when the roles are reversed, when it's blokes going to so called 'Gentlemen's clubs' & so on I think of ego & chauvinism. Men don't hoot & giggle, men leer & lick their lips...Don't they?

This is the image I have engrained in my mind but I'm not sure it's entirely like that. I would like to find out & you know what, I think one day soon I may do that. I would like to see if their is any truth behind the notion that these girls find stripping empowering, or do they only find this empowering because society has taught them that?

But back to my question - is it this that bothers me? Men & women are very different creatures indeed, that is for sure. I'd say that I'm quite a sexual person, more so than quite a lot of my friends, at least. I can be excruciatingly shy in a room full of people, but between the sheets (or wherever else) I have usually found I'm fairly confident once I get into my stride, as it were. Anyway, no more detail or else you all who don't wish to know will start bleeding from the eyes. My point is that I have always felt secure because I have always felt I have most control & confidence over the sexual aspect of a relationship. I am by no means beautiful or sexy in the conventional top-shelf magazine sense, yet never has this held me back. I think the reason that I feel least secure about my man striding into a strip club & getting an eyeful of a room full of magazine-beautiful & -sexy women in all their glory is because by choosing to walk right in there he is not only accepting society's warped view of what 'a woman should be' (whether he realises it or not) but wolfing it down like the very different creature that he is. Simultaneously, he is removing an enormous chunk of the control I hold & allowing me to fall back into the clutches of my insecurities. 

But what about me? Why should there be no other aspect of life in which I can feel empowered? Now I'm certainly not suggesting that a woman should not have empowerment through sex - hell, sex is more than enjoyable & should be for both parties - but what I am saying is that of course that shouldn't be my sole source of satisfaction, & because - at the moment - I am so insecure about magazine-perfect women taking the control from me then I have done exactly the same as my partner & accepted society's view of 'what a woman should be'. If it is true that strippers only do their job because they are accepting our society's harsh terms, rather than questioning them (I said if, remember, I am yet to find this out first hand) then am I not just a stripper with a more specific & non-paying audience? Hell, if I'm going to feel these insecurities, I'd at least like to get a bit of cash for my troubles.

It's a vicious fucking circle (not a vicious fucking-circle, that's an entirely different blog post).

I don't know what to do or think. I'm working mostly on assumptions, deductions & what I've seen in the media. Anxiety doesn't help matters either. Can anyone enlighten me here?

Of Single Days Gone By

Perfect. Everything about his personality is what I would wish for in any friend, & any potential bed-mate. He’s intelligent & talks in a tone edged with wisdom. He is clearly a thinker. Though what is it that doesn’t sit quite right when he tells me with enthusiasm: “Oh, absolutely! You’re so right there – nobody else can make you happy, it’s down to the individual!”?

I struggle to tell whether his zeal comes from finding someone who shares his opinion on self-fulfilment, or whether he is aiming to flatter me.

“You seem as though you have it all figured out.” he says, with just a hint of awe that softly jabs the pit of my stomach. I feel embarrassed. I do have it figured out, don’t I? 

On paper, he is perfect. He ticks all the boxes. So why, oh why, can’t I appreciate how pleasant our evening has been; how refreshing it is to speak with someone who is on the same wavelength? He clearly is, yet I constantly have this underlying feeling that something is missing. He puts me at ease, yet I think that ease is exactly the problem. He does not challenge me. I feel no stir of apprehension. There is no niggle of doubt that this person may prove me wrong. He would simply concur & discuss the point further, as though it were fact.

I’d like to explore. I’d love for someone to have a point of view that was new & exciting. Sure, you have to share opinions & views on some things – there must be common ground – but wouldn’t it be wonderful for someone to come along & say “Well Chlo, what about this…” & completely blow my mind, or even divulge something that would get me a little riled – just a little though.

Groovy Mums

As you know, I take part in KateOnThinIce's Groovy Mums blog hop.

I haven't been too great recently & therefore not much of great meaning has appeared on my blog & I feel sad that I haven't been feeling up to getting groovy. This week is better & so I'll be telling you how I've been getting on with the challenges in just a second!

Firstly though, I just want to say that if you are a mum who has been considering Kate's challenge, or even if you haven't seen the blog hop before but think it might be for you then I would wholly encourage you to go & check it out, maybe try for a week or so. Follow Kate & the girls on Twitter if you fancy a bit of banter (search #groovymums). Everyone who takes part in this blog hop is exceptional. I've never met a nicer group of ladies (though technically I haven't met any of them, I'm sure there's a little irony in there) who are so giving & supporting. Without wishing to sound gushy, the support that these perfect strangers have offered me in the past month has helped immeasurably. There's a whole lotta love & wisdom going on there & though I am guilty of sometimes falling behind with the reading, whenever I do read what these ladies have to say I am never disappointed, in fact I am always filled with emotion by them.

Anyway, vomitousness over. This weeks challenges:


1. Body – How are you sleeping? How can you ensure you get better quality sleep?

I am sleeping terribly. I have had a week of anxiety & bedtime (as well as daytime) tears. I am slightly on the up now but I feel horrendous that most night I can't get to sleep until the wee hours & wake up so late. This isn't fair on my girls & I'm doing what I can, but mostly the anxiety & depression is winning. I hope this changes as I get more support. I bought some chamomile tea this week, but am yet to imbibe, I have also being trying (& mostly failing) to cut down on caffeine. Hopefully now that things are on the up & I should soon be getting some anti-depressants my stresses shan't be so prevalent.

2. Mind – Our children have reward charts and get stickers when they do well? Could you play with this idea and create your own chart or adapt a child’s one

Well, the girls do not have reward charts as it stands, but this has got me thinking that it could be a good idea for eldest (3yo) as she is getting to the stage where she needs a little more structure in her tasks for the day. As for me, my iPhone is my best friend. I have finally worked out how to create a to-do list on my reminders app & am slowly but surely getting there with what i must do, particularly on the better days.

3. Spirit – Is the spirit willing? You can respond to this one in whatever way you see fit.

My spirit sometimes ups & vanishes, but when it's here it's a bit wobbly. As I say, I have good days & bad days. I am looking forward to the weekend, as we are going out & leaving the girls with my parents. Hopefully the, er, spirits (of the alcoholic kind) will return & I shall be merry & dancing!

4. Blog – Have you attended a blogger event? Have you met any bloggers in the flesh? 

Though I haven't met any bloggers in the flesh yet I have booked my ticket for BlogCamp UK! Exciting! The Man, who has his own little blog here was also going to come with me, but he couldn't get a ticket, so I shall be going it alone! Nervous, but very excited for this! Is anyone else reading going??! Kate is also speaking at Brit Mums, I would love to go, but money is the issue with that one, but you never know, if I could blag something...

5. It is the creator of Winnie the Pooh’s birthday this week. So, as a bit of fun, why not work out which Winnie the Pooh character you are most like and why?

Well, A.A. Milne is one of my favourites. Winnie the Pooh books (the proper ones, none of this Disney shite) are my book of choice for reading to the girls & I try my hardest to persuade her that's what we should read! I'd say that a lot of days I feel as Eeyore does, lonely & lethargic but secretly knowing that I have these wonderful creatures who would do anything for me, though I've never lost my tail, or in fact had a tail to lose! Sometimes I feel tiny & worrisome like Piglet, though I think I would most like to be Kanga. A pouch for littlest would be helpful too!

6. The Big Question – How is your sex life? Oh, I know we are not supposed to talk about religion, sex and politics but you know me, I like breaking the rules. So how are things in the bedroom (or your venue of choice)?

Well, I've approached this issue with caution. Caution tells me to be frugal with my words.
Flinging caution to the wind, I would have to be entirely honest & say that sex seven weeks after giving birth is non-existent. For the moment anyway. In fact it has been pretty non-existent for months now & though this is most unlike me, I didn't really mind. Now that I am a little more back to normal let's just say that, looking back, it seems there has been a direct correlation between my low moods & the low amount of bedroom action (which affects which is anyone's guess, however the only way to find this out is to experiment). I plan on being ecstatic in the near future.