Saturday, 7 July 2012


At the moment I find myself at a crossroads. Everything is changing & this really is the beginning of my adult life.

Yeah, I have two children so perhaps that sounds a little bit stupid but as far as my education & work goes I feel as though I haven't yet started on the road that I will feel most fullfilled walking along.

What is more, I have no clue which road to take.

I've never been one to stick to plans - something unexpected has always come along & diverts me along some path I never knew existed. These diversions have most notably come in the forms of my girls. As much as I love them, they didn't half fuck things up for me! Of course, in the best possible way as I have learned so much & grown so fast it's all most overwhelming, but now I need to implement all this knowledge & experience in another part of life.

But where?

How do you know what you choose to invest your time, energy & passion in is the right thing?

It seems to me that some people just know what they want to do with their lives & so they go ahead & do it, but me, I just can't figure it out.

I've thought about the things I love - art, music & writing. With art, I am a perfectionist & I become frustrated but that aside I would certainly like to expand my knowledge & create a portfolio & of course mix with like-minded people. Really though, in the long term, aside from being a professional artist what more can I do with this? Teaching, perhaps, but the long term prospects don't appeal.

Music - well, I play classical piano & I love a broad range of music but a career in music is not what I'd fancy persuing.

& Writing? Well, I've often considered writing for a living but how bloody difficult is that to do, & am I really that good at it? No, i don't think so. Perhaps I am being lazy (though I'm calling it realistic) but aside from the blog I'm not sure folks would like to read about what I have to say. I'm certainly not keen on journalism either.

What was in the original plan (before children) was to study linguistics (with particular attention to English). With a degree in linguistics I could be a speech therapist, speech coach or I could teach this. I find the English language & it's history compelling & I have always been deeply fascinated since I was a child even, loving to find out about the origin of sayings & words. Do I want to be a speech therapist? Maybe. But in truth I'm not sure. I'd like to help people, particularly children but my passion lies in the history of language. Would I really be satisfied?

Another way in which I'd like to help people is in mental health services. Since experiencing my own difficulties & encountering the local mental health services I was shocked at frankly how appauling it was. I would love to help people but I fear that the state of the current services would drive me to despair. I know I'd want to devote a lot of my time to changing it, should I have a greater understanding of it, but I am the kind of person who becomes resentful of people in power when I see what lack of funding & understanding does to the users of such services. I fear I'd become so angry I'd be unable to work in such a service.

Another thing I always wanted to do was to work in radio, behind the scenes. Don't ask me why or what, for that matter, but I get the feeling I'd enjoy that kind of workplace. Foot in the door anyone?

Reading this back, it sounds a lot like I am making excuses. Perhaps I am. In truth, I'm scared & I'm confused. I have no clue what to do with my life & if I leave it much longer I am terrified that I will never do anything. I'm also terrified that if I rush this decision I will make the wrong one.

What do I do? Does anyone have any advice to offer me?

Are you choosing a career? Have you been in a career that you love or one that you hate? What would you do differently?

Artist? Speech Therapist? Support Worker? Writer? All of the above?

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