May Blossom

This morning has been a stressful one, but - what I am about to say is excruciatingly British, a thousand apologies - the sun has been out & I've been so grateful for a break from the misery of the rain!

Not only is it sunny, but the blossom is blooming & evoking childhood memories of May, & simultaneously creating memories in my daughter's childhood.

 

She also made a friend! 

"Oh Mummy, I wish  I could have a cat..."

O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love, What a beautiful Pussy you are!

I am searching for something.

You could say I am searching for someone.

I am searching for a companion.

I want a bloody cat.

I so want a kitty.

Won't someone bring me a pretty kitty?

Speaking of pussies...

I was innocently checking my stats earlier today & I looked over the search keywords. Well. I didn't think my blog to be all that filthy or basically downright rude but people who have been led here by the power of the search engine may beg to differ, though I can imagine they'd probably be rather bloody disappointed.

Amongst others, here are my top 4:

• "am wearing two bras"
• naked pea
• naked bedmates
• chanes mum.s pussy

Okay, I can understand the first three, from past posts (though why the hell anyone would be searching for these phrases I haven't the foggiest!) but the fourth?! WHAT!? The bad grammar is baffling in itself but what on earth it has to do with my blog I'll never know! Certain to say that they would have been severely disappointed on reaching the twattering on of some mental woman & not a pussy in sight!

Chin up!

Groovy Mums,

As you all know, I try to take part in the Groovy Mums blog hop over at Kate On Thin Ice's place.
As you all know also, I'm a bit rubbish at all this 'organisational skills' stuff (ahem, lazy, ahem) but from time to time I find the will to live, love & blog & give it a stab!

Kate sets us challenges, which are optional. Here are this weeks & how I've got on:


1. Body – What new ways can you find to take exercise?  Check out what is offered at your local leisure centres and community venues.  Is there something you could do at home to increase your fitness?

Running hasn't been going so well. You probably know by now that I'm running the Great North Run this year for Mind. I'm doing this because I suffer from mental health issues & Mind are a charity doing a lot of good for people in similar situations & their loved ones too. Please take a look at my page & if you like what you see then please sponsor me, just a pound is more than fine!
I love swimming & I go when I can, but with the girls to look after all the time it can be a bit tricky even working out time to go for a run, never mind to bob down to the pool & do all that wet-swimwear-stuck-to-bits-it-shouldn't-be-stuck-to palava!

2. Mind – It is Depression Awareness Week.  Have you experienced depression?  Do you know how to spot the signs of depression in your loved ones and others?  Check out http://blackdogtribe.com for information and support with mental health issues.  They are also asking for your stories.

If you think that you or a loved one are suffering then you should follow the link for Mind, above, & also check out the Black Dog Tribe (link also above). They're a bit bloody good, & offer support for all. Also, Ruby Wax heads it, so it's got to be good! If I have the time & energy then perhaps I will go & submit my story to them.

3. Blogging – Did you know http://britmums.com publish round-ups of good posts on certain issues such a food, politics, special needs, green issues, health and more?  Why not promote your posts to the editors of these round-ups and raise your profile?


No Kate, I did not know that! I should probably get on it!

4. Special Days – This week saw us marking St George’s Day.  Is there a dragon that you need to tackle in your life?

Dragons, Ogres, Trolls & the bloody oven needs cleaning too.

5. Charity Connections- Get shopping online and hundreds of retailers will give a percentage of what you spend to a charity of your choice.  Click here http://www.give.as/kateonthinice  and register for free for Give As You Live with your name and email address.  Do it today!  You don’t have to spend any money now but it means when you do shop online you can ensure some of the money goes to a good cause.  Why wouldn’t you?  When you click, you will see poppies because I am personally raising money for the Royal British Legion but you can register here and then when you shop, you can select a charity of your choice.

Done! Do it too. Do it...

6. The Big Question – What has the last year brought you? Are you happy with it?

Holy crap, that's a very big question.

This last year has brought me, in no particular order:

• A Baby (surprise!)...
• & with that a very joyous day.
• A new home, & it's not all bad.
• Extreme exaserbation of a mental health problem.
• Dark days, the likes of which I've never experienced before.
• Good days, which are so much more appreciated thanks to all of the above.
• Huge change & upheaval, some good, some not so good.
• A lot of new blogger friends  & a few 'real life' ones too.
• Confirmation that I am fairly good at some things I enjoy, such as writing.
• A new health mission & goal to run a half marathon.
• 57 bibs.
• Better skin.
• Terrible hair.
• A penchant for pedicures & facials (which I cannot afford, for sure)

Am I happy with it?

I have learned, this year, that happiness is not a destination, it is not something you should strive to arrive at. I'm not just going to suddenly wake up & realise that I'm happy & sadness will never touch me again. That would be dull. But I've realised that despite all the awful feeling that I've experienced this past year, happiness is something that will always come back around & hopefully one day in the not so distant future I'll find a nice balance & be able to get on with it all, just taking the good with the bad & taming those beasts depression & anxienty.

I'll tell you what this year hasn't brought me though...

These:

But, fear not world, for it is not too late...

Why not just have a little look-see...

I'm a size seven, by the way.

Just a Minute, How Old Are You?

Some of my more vivid recollections from childhood seem to involve sitting in the passenger seats of cars, specifically cars belonging to my Mum, Grandpa & Dad. & what do you do in the car on long journeys when you're a small child?

Well, you listen to Radio 4 of course.

This is a habit I have never wanted to break.

As I am only 23 (desperately clinging on to that, though I probably don't look or sound it anymore!), most of my peers are still in the Radio 1 stage. Some of them have reached Radio 2. Some of those other crazy bastards are all out there with their Capital & Galaxy (I think they may be the same thing) & all that wank & tits, but me, despite how I may sound (as far as I can tell, typical R4 listeners don't often say 'wank' or 'tits' & certainly not in the same sentence) & though I went through this progression from teen R1 years, I seemed to progress (or regress) rather quickly back to good old R4.

My other half writes a blog called Comfort In Sound, which is the name of an album by Feeder, his favourite band, & he often blogs about music there. For me, however, comfort in sound is listening to the cheer of the audience followed by the energetic tones of Nicholas Parsons on Just a Minute & when the theme song for the Archers plays I can't help but grin. I rarely watch TV (I didn't have one when I lived alone & would have it that way again if I could) & though I have the Radio on Absolute or XFM from time to time - & pretend my taste is eclectic & not just weird - it will always come back to the comfort of R4.

My love for it seems to have grown as I have had the children & I feel it keeps my brain in ticking over amongst the babble & repetitive screeching & whinging of children.

God bless you R4. Sorry for bringing the tone down with the 'wank' & 'tits' though.

PS: On a more serious note - you should really check out The Listening Project. Interesting, true & often very moving.

Where Has The Time Gone & Where Are We Going With This?

The girls are growing up so fast.

I started this blog as a record of our family life, but I've come to realise that really, I just prattle on about all my problems here & they rarely get a look in.

For this, I feel guilty. Look, I'm even doing it now!

So I find myself wondering, just what am I going to do about it?

What I'd like to do about it, ultimately, is to set up two different blogs, both self hosted but one will be a continuation of all the pissing & moaning I've been doing here plus a few other exciting bits & bobs, like recipes & maybe even getting Pea Green Pantry's Food as Therapy bloghop back on the go & the other will be carved out in a little secret corner of blogness & will be devoted to my beautiful, beautiful girls & their progress. For them to read & browse photos when they get a little older & to see exactly how much we cherished them, without any swearing.

I'm not really a 'Mummy' blogger, because I'm not just a Mum, I'm a woman first & foremost, but those girls are far too precious to me not to have a space made especially for them.

I do love them so.

Hibernation Schniberschnation...

So I thought it might be time to go into hibernation while I plot to take over the world with a new, fancy-pants self-hosted blog. Then I realised that there were things I wanted to blog about in the meantime & coudln't quite bring myself not to do the writing.

As soon as I made the decision to lay low I was asked to do a guest post on post-natal depression by the lovely Shona at Wriggly Rascals & of course I accepted & then I got nominated for the MAD Blogs Blog of the Year. Of course, there is not much chance of me making the shortlist but it was a big surprise to see my blog address on that list as I was noseying my way through it! It was nice to have a surge of adrenaline that brought a smile to me face for once!

I have to say, both these occurences have really perked me up & though I don't believe in any of this 'it was a sign' wanky wank, it really did make me think.

I bloody love blogging & here in just the first year of my blogging life, as it were, I've made new accquantances, online friends & even met some bloggers in real life. My laptop has opened the door to Web-Narnia & frankly, I don't know where I'd be without Twitter & all the blogging spectaculars!

So cheers, whoever nominated me (yep, you, that one lone weird person in the corner) & cheers to all you bloggerifics (whatever that means).

You really have helped me through all this crap. You're a bit bloody good, you lot.

Gingerly, gingerly...

After an amazing & long day yesterday at BlogCampUK & the opportunity to take in some great advice & learn so many things about bloggin which I was utterly blind to I've been given a lot to think about.

As the result of about 17 coffees after 4hrs sleep & 7+ hours of travel I finally cracked at 1am when I couldn't sleep & had one of my more spectacular meltdowns (even if I do say so myself).

Giant, scary social & strange situations these days seem to take me back to childhood days of social awkwardness (even though I hear thats, like, soooo in at the moment). I hate myself for being this crazy nervous idiot but I just don't know what the frigg to do about it. After much crying & woe I decided it might be time to go into hibernation. I'm not one for half-arsed anything but that's what I've been doing - half-arsed blogging. I don't want my blog to have half an arse - I don't want it to be some kind of dropout loser of a blog & so it is having a think about what it really wants to do with it's life & getting a new wardrobe in the meantime. Not unlike me, I suppose.

Laters!